He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
