I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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