I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Found your dick twin last night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
