I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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