I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
