I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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