Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
