He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
