Betty ford says i'm here all night
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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