HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
