There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
