I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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