Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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