the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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