Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The ass gains better be worth it
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