the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
