Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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