I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
