he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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