Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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