we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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