Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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