...so i touched it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is Oprah even human
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
