sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
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