I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
