dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
