It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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