Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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