I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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