I must be too annoying 4 u.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
