you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
