I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Shame - the story of my life.
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