I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
