The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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