so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
