any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
