Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
