Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
