Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
