she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
