u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
