..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my phone needs a breathalizer
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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