I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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