I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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