Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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