Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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