i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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