I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
