You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my shit smells like andre
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
