im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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