Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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