so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
