this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
