Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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