I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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