my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
