I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
