just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
