I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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