Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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