Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
