I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Life is so much better after having sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
