So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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